..home.

Mamaw is in the hospital. She broke her leg and might need surgery.
I know it does not seem that serious, but to me, right now...it is.
She is 96 and has a heart murmur. I really don't know what that means, or what that might mean for surgery. Honestly, I really don't know much at all. But I am kind of scared.
Mamaw raised me while my mom worked and I lived with her my whole life. I have not talked to her since I went home for Christmas Break. I feel horribly guilty about it. I will call and talk to her tomorrow.
She will probably ok, and I know that, but with the stress of this exam, the fact that is is 1am and that I am tired and cold...all these things combined make me a bit more nervous that I should be.
Then again, who gets to say how nervous I am allowed to get? me.
I think I will silently pretend that everything is ok. :) It makes me miss home, because at home...I never had to be silent and if I was, my friends would not let me be for long. They knew exactly how to react, they knew when I needed a bit more attention than I was letting on. That is 13+ years of friendship in the making. I want to be home in Macon.
I love the people here, they react wonderfully, but in Macon, Mamaw is everyone's Mamaw, and no one will understand like the people who were partially raised by Mamaw too.
That is one thing I really missed about home, when something happened, big or small, the whole crew was at my house before I could call my mom to ask if they could come over. We roll deep in Macon, or at least my friends do.
I really am ok, I promise. :) Just silently overwhelmed and stressed, give me until 12:15 tomorrow, and I will breath easy.
But for now, Psych in Law.


Send good thoughts my way for this exam.
And send good thoughts Mamaw's way so that she can get some sleep tonight and the pain meds help.