Sunday, March 24, 2013

Hello Blog.

Today I am disappointed. 
Lots of exciting things could be happening today, but they are not. 
They were canceled. 

Now I am stuck in my room...looking at jobs I don't qualify for and trying to not be disappointed. 

I am disappointed. 
But I am still ahead, so I can't complain. 
That is the problem sometimes. The fact that I can't complain. 
I want to tell people that they disappoint me.
But they did not ask me to expect things from them in the first place and the gestures were from good, genuine places...and it is not their fault. I am not disappointed by people, just disappointed. 

Besides, if I tell them, then their condolences and time is just pity time. Then I feel manipulative. 
Disappointed to get what I want. 

I graduate in 2 months. 
Isn't that scary? 

A few months ago I really felt like I was going to be ok. 
Right now, shadowed in disappointment, I feel like there are limited opportunities. 

UGH. I want to tell someone that I am upset. That I am anxious. and disappointed. 

I will tell my blog. 
Janet's Blog = the never read, occasional ramblings of a girl not talking. 

I am too sensible to post it on facebook. 
This is one of the posts that will get read only by me, or someone who decides reading all my entries is a good idea. 

Bottom line, I am disappointed, and guilty and selfish for feeling that way. 

I want to ramble forever. But this blog is associated with me. One day someone could read it. See how whiny I am in my moments of vulnerability. 
Sorry reader, I promise I am not a wuss 99% of the time. In fact, the only reason I am now is because I am in my room, and I am sure no one will see me until my emotions are long gone, and I can recognize how whiny, unnecessary, and silly I am. (except blogging makes me feel better)