...writing in the Notebook.

Let me set the scene. It is 2:30am, What Not to Wear is playing in the background, I have to wake up sometime around 8, and I really need to go to bed. What am I doing instead of sleeping? Rereading my old blog posts.

Each one takes me back into a happy, frustrating, exciting, heartbreaking, simply perfect moment. I read each one imagining the tone I intended it to have. Full of typos and attempts at metaphors. Some give me goosebumps. A few have made me tear up (I can only imagine the tears I shed writing it). Most have made me smile. And all have taken me back to that moment. 

I really love writing. I love trying to make exciting things more dramatic than they are, toning down things that make me sad. I like that in this blog, I am attempting to be honest, and work through my emotions, blogging them out instead of letting them fester and boil in my brain becoming a hardly productive tangled mess...or worse, a lost memory. 

In highschool, my broda Charlotte and I started the Notebook. Our definition of the Notebook does not include Ryan Gosling, instead it documented the day to day dramas of our high school lives. See, the Notebook was our brilliant invention intended to help pass the time in classes and combine our passed notes into one central location. (punny because I went to Central HS :p)
Charlotte and I were in different grades, so our logic was that we would write notes to each other during class in a composition notebook and pass it when we ran into each other in the halls. What was intended to pass the time, became a 4 (or 5) volume staple in our friendship.
Our first entries are ridiculous, notes about people who got on our nerves, pictures from magazines glued in. After a while, our entries got longer, we passed the notebook less and took more time with what we were saying. The entries had more meaning.
We got to know each other better, and the Notebook became a personal journal, but the best part was that this journal could comment back, give you advice, and cared about what you wrote. We scribbled our reactions to each other's posts in the margins of the entries.
Each book had a different theme. However, consistently, the front was covered in photos of the two of us, and some where was our best friend quote, "Yesterday brought the beginning, tomorrow will bring the end, and somewhere in the middle we became best friends." Most volumes were preceded by a photo shoot to take pictures for the cover.
No one could read the books but us, and each has code names...just in case.
Honestly, keeping the Notebook in highschool is one of the best things that I ever did. Cheaper than therapy.
They document the last 2 years of highschool, and one of my favorite things to do is look back, see what we found important enough to write about, what we glued in and how our hand writing changed. From things as innocent as prom dresses pictures and lottery tickets, to more daring things  and even my acceptance letter to OU, the Notebooks have everything. I highly recommend keeping one at some point in your life. 

The front of the Notebook, volume 3. :) 

Anyway, that tangent being said, between that and keeping this blog, I realize how much I enjoy documenting my life. I love that I have access to my past thoughts and emotions. As dramatic, pointless and embarrassing as some of my rants may seem in retrospect, that is what they are there for. They are for me to see how I have grown, and how I have changed...providing evidence that I can keep changing, and a reminder that my current worries may just become an embarrassing blog post or Notebook entry later. 

So for tonight, that is my ramble. 

And to let you know where I left off: it is now 3am, I still have to wake up in 5 hours, and What Not to Wear is still on. :) 

Happy Blogging and happy 3 in the morning. 

...with the Ogle-family

May heart is beaming right now.
I made a facebook group for my freshman Ogle-family a few years back....and facebook has a function where groups can chat, so the group is facebook chatting.
It makes no sense. Somehow we moved from chatting about a picture of a squirrel to Tes and Cedric's relationship. I have not laughed this hard in so so so long.

I love my ogle-family, can't wait to spend my senior year with them, and that deserves a blog post.

god we are the cutest, weirdest, most dysfunctional family in the history of Oglethorpe. I would not trade them for anything at all.

<3 Ogle-love. 

...cuddling my puppy

So today I woke up entirely too late...but woke up deciding I wanted to explore. So, I called Brooke and we headed to Piedmont Park. Good idea? yeah, except there is a festival going on at the park and parking is nearly impossible and costs an arm and a leg. So instead we go to the Atlanta Botanical Gardens, something I would have never thought to just do...but it was so fun! They had rooms to mimic various climates, so today I went to the Rain Forest, the Dessert, and more! Scratching that off my Atlanta Bucket list. That actually got me thinking, I need to make an Atlanta Bucket list. This being my senior year, this may be my last year in the ATL and there is a lot I still have not seen and explored, Atlanta staples. So that is my goal, make and Atlanta List and start checking things off, actually LIVE in the city. :)

Anyway, after the gardens we headed back to have burgers with Leah. While we were making food, I get a sad call from my dad. Our dog Jack passed away today. :( We have had Jackie for about 11 years (I think) and was going home in a week and a half, I wish he could have made it until then. Its ok though, he lived a long happy life, but I am sad that I won't get another chance to cuddle with my Jackie-boy. (I tried to find a picture of him for the post...but I could not find one) 

Other than hearing about Jack, today was such a good day and so much fun. I also got to talk to my Mamaw today and she almost immediately knew who I was and as usual she asked when I would be home. I told her soon, but I really do mean it this time. Justin and I are taking a day trip to Macon next week to surprise Mamaw for her 97th birthday and to explore home and visit with people. :) I am really excited to be with my family and visit Macon. 

Now, I am ending the night with my favorite show (Criminal Minds!) and skype chatting Maggie. 

Perfect Sunday. 

...on the phone

Today's post is an incoherent list of the things I am realizing and thinking about today.

• Summer puts a spell on me so that I can't wake up before noon and can't go to sleep before 3. That is about to change, I have to work in Res life at 10 tomorrow, and have to be a The Cup to open at 8:30am the next day. 
• $10-25 a month can be a REALLY big deal when your income is like $2500 a year. 
• I am about to finally have good service, and maybe even a new phone. Not just new to me, but actually new for the first time in a hot minute!! 
• I am not ready to leave Oglethorpe. Not only am I not ready, I am terrified. Not in the way that all graduates are terrified, but I really do not know what I will do without my bubble. It is more than my security blanket today, it, and the people in it are my platform and launching pad, holding me up and pushing me forward, glorifying me even, in ways that I do not think that I deserve. Oglethorpe is too good to me. As good as it is to all it's students I assume. But today and right now, I want to claim its kindness as temporarily mine, if only for a moment.
• Justin and Tes are quite possibly the most wonderful cheerleaders in the world and I do not think I could tell them I love and appreciate them enough this week. 
• Tes and Justin can save lives. Really though, I feel like they save mine like every other week. I wish both of them were here because Tes provides the best impromtu, be-happy adventures ever (fro yo, starbucks, Florida) and Justin really does give the best hugs that are not only physically comforting, but make you happy all around. 
• While I am on a friend Tangent....let me continue. Charlotte still knows how to text at exactly the right time. Telepathy.
• Marisa is much much much stronger than people give her credit for and she is everything composed of amazing. Really though, I love my wife. 
•  Shopping with Brooke is good therapy! 
• Elizabeth is a cat in human form. lol, some things never change. 
• Spaghetti is still my favorite food. 
• I am really mad at myself, and my memory is going to get the best of me one of these days. 
• I need need need to stop worrying and start studying for the GRE. (and register for it) 
• I can keep something up for more than a week, and I am really proud of myself for learning self control!
• I really have no grounds to assume that things are always going to just work out or be ok. Sure, so far I have ended up ok...but I cannot just keep assuming that no matter what, every problem I have is going to pass and work itself out. Sure, the time will pass...but I have to put forth the effort, I have to make sure that I create a safety net for myself.  I am too old and have too many responsibilities to just sit back and assume that things will work out and be ok. I have to put forth the effort. That is just short of terrifying because that means that if things don't work out, sure some of it may be chance, but some of the responsibility falls on me. 
• I am only 21, and do not have enough experiences to really be sure of anything, I am always learning.
• Letting people help you is important, I know this...I learned this lesson before, but when it comes to applying it to myself, I am still grasping the concept.
• I am learning how to jog! (couch to 5K...did day 2 today!) 
• I love family guy, it is my sleepy entertainment. 
• I put a lot of pressure on my future self...and it eventually catches up with me. 
• I am team Peeta. (I just finished Catching Fire and need to get a hold of a copy of Mockingjay and finish) 
• it is time to be a grown up...or at least learn how. 
• Blogging still, without fail, makes me feel better :) 
• Today, over all has actually been pretty good and really enjoyable! 

See, my dad told me that they have to cut me off my parents cell phone plan today, because they can't afford it anymore. I have to start worrying about this myself. This was the last thing that my parents paid for, so it would make me completely independent. With the help of Tes and her wonderful family, I have figured it out and should get a new phone...but still...that and some other things made me have a moment and made me think a lot. I guess thinking stresses me out sometimes. 

But blog it out. :)

Happy summer. 

...doing something

Summer is such a strange sensation.

I am currently moving form Dempsey to Phase II and the summer residents are arriving again. I never actually left really. I have been floating around the bubble since Graduation.

Graduation is a funny thing as well. I feel like it was ages ago, but it was only 6 days. I also can't wrap my brain around the fact that it actually happened really. Hmm.
Maybe it is because my life is essentially the same, minus classes and something to do.

I have what looks to be one more load to take over to Phase II. The last of my Dempsey life.
I wish it was a grander moment, celebration, tears, something...but no one is here and my celebrating will be by cooking myself dinner.

I suppose it is a deserved reward, it is 6:30pm and all I have eaten today is an apple. An apple a day I guess.

Anyway, back on summer. This summer will be particularly strange. I may change rooms again. I will start working again eventually. I won't be taking classes like everyone else. I am kind of just passing the time this summer.

Odd to have nothing to do really. I mean I have taken classes every summer since I was a freshman.

Maybe I should enjoy the break, but honestly, I am getting cabin fever.

I suppose I will make a list, things to do this summer, things to occupy my time.

So, my summer to do list:

• read Hunger Games series
• learn to cook/make at least 10 new meals
• complete the couch to 5k program (Tes is doing it...and y'all, I can't run worth crap, so it will be a task) 
• make some art
• figure out what to do with my life 
• register for and take the GRE

Ahhh. I really don't know...it has been so long since I have had spans of free time long enough to do something that I really want to do, that I am forgetting what I really want to do! 

Fun suggestions always welcome. I wonder if it is too late to apply for an internship...hmm. 

for now, I will make rambling blog posts like this one and continue to expand and tackle my list.

Sitting duck. 

Happy moving day. 

...a grown up

I am finally 21!
About damn time.

Yesterday was nearly perfect. It was a few people shy of being absolutely perfect, but there will be more celebrations, and I cannot expect to get every wonderful person in my life in one place at the same time, that would be nuts!

Anyway, the day started out with me waking up to half a bed covered in remnants of my couch hopping these past few days. Moving into my new room tomorrow.
This will be my last night in Dempsey. nostalgia.
That means, I will finally live in an upperclassmen dorm. It only took me 2 years longer than everyone else, but I am moving up in the world. :)

It is a bitter sweet moment, leaving Dempsey, but you know...it is time. Growing up.

Speaking of growing up, can we talk about my birthday? 21! (prepare for pictures, Justin documented in "real time.")

After consolidating my room back into manageable, movable piles, I went to a practice interview with Caroline.  Caroline saves my life like every week, her and Alyssa. I feel like they are teaching me how to be a grown up. If you met my silly mom, you would see why I need lessons. :)

Anyway, after that I patiently (or with as much patience as I could muster up) waited for Justin to get here. Happy Birthday me!

I make him take lots of picture with me all the time. 

After visiting Res Life, he took me out for my first legal drink. A margarita that was way to big to drink in the middle of the day and on a stomach filled only with chips and salsa.
You only have one 21st birthday right?

Actually, let me not mislead you...my 21st was very very tame. The wildest thing I did was probably buy a pack of toilet paper without comparing its price to the other brands. Wild, I know.

Anyway, after that we went to Barnes and Noble and Kroger, and then to dinner with his mom.

The restaurant was perfect. It was called Steel and is the most adorable Sushi place ever! For real though, I thought Ru Sans was happening...this place was too legit.

Not only did his mom by me dinner, but his parents got me a card and present as well! They signed it as my 2nd parents. Honestly, I really do feel like Justin's whole family treats me as though I was part of their wonderful, (bougie!) Peachtree City family. :) I am a lucky baby sister. 

After that, Justin and I made it just in time to see the Avengers in 3D at CineBistro. It was SO expensive. I got 2 martinis there...one was so so so good, the other was so so so gross. You win some, you lose some. 

After the movie, we came the the agreement that we thought the movie was awful and we should have just seen 5 Year Engagement. Oh well. 

So with that, my birthday was over. 21 came and went. 

Even though the day was packed and absolutely wonderful, I have some odd feelings about it. 

First, I feel like so much was missing. This was my first birthday not at home, and I do not know how I feel about that. I guess, part of me is sad that I did not get to spend some of the day with my BOTG, Lattimore family. Part of me is guilty that I did not let my parent by my first drink, I bet my dad would have liked that. 

I LOVED my birthday. Everything I did was perfect, but there was a Macon size hole missing.

That is growing up I suppose, things changing, missing some of your norms. I'm just having growing pains I guess.  

The other thing that is on my mind is that this visit was such a clear example of the next stage of Justin and my friendship. And our friendship is evidence to how the rest of my friendships are going to evolve in the next year, and how my past ones have changed in these last 3 years. When it is my turn to graduate, I will have a plan, my friends will have a plan, and based on our current speculations, we do not appear to be headed in the same places. That being said, sporadic, eventful visits are going to have to become a norm. 

That is ok, I just have to get used to it. And until then, I will continue to cry when people leave and be very impatient for their next visit. 

It really is ok though. :) I like growing up. I hear it is good for me, and for that reason...I am ready to take the changes in strides. 

For tonight though, I have packing my room (again), dinner date with Kara, and enjoying my Dempsey skylight for the last morning. Thing really are wonderful. 

Ah, I'm 21! 

Happy belated birthday to me, and happy Thursday to you. 

...at a classy Taco Bell

Today, I feel much more like writing about my beach experience than the other day.

I suppose I should start with yesterday.
Yesterday Tes and I went out for a last dinner with her grandpa (or frandpa...as I have officially named him). We went to this little place called Bella Napolis (spelling may be off). But it is the most adorable little Italian place. It was very cozy, and was actually in a renovated taco bell. haha. At first glance, it did not look anything like a Taco Bell. However, looking at the booths and windows and a peak in the tiled kitchen...my favorite midnight location was apparent. Only fitting that another one of my college memories is in a Taco Bell.

Once Justin and I were so excited because we thought we had made it to Taco Bell early enough to sit inside...classy. But, it was closed and like every other time, we had to sit in his car.
Now, not only did I get to sit inside...but this was really a Taco Bell made classy.

sorry for the poor quality, it was on my phone. but classy right? 

After dinner, we went to the Marina to try and see some dolphins. We went before dinner with no luck.
However, after dinner we saw some!! I was so excited! I have never seen a dolphin so close before, but it was swimming and even flipped over...and I flipped out! I kept trying to get a picture...but nothing.

For today we woke up with 3 goals:

1. go to the beach
2. see manatees 
3. play tennis

one of those things actually happened. 

On our way to the beach, we stopped by the power plant where the manatees stay (I have never seen a manatee). We were not as lucky as we were with the dolphins. Not a single manatee. We saw a few fish jumping around...but after swimming with a small school of fish on Sunday, that was nothing.

We got in the car and headed to the beach. Sunny = perfect day for the beach. Not. 

We got there and there was a red flag and a no swimming flag. Tes asked the life guard what was up. 

Apparently about a mile north there was a shark attack. I was shocked and glad we did not get in the water. 

Click for an article

So, we went to the pool...which was so relaxing and (best part) no sand in my suit! 

We also saw a lizard...and I actually held it. 

excuse my hair...admire my bravery. 

and then, later today Tes caught a frog...and I held that too! 

meet my prince charming

When I was little, I loved catching and playing with all sorts of squirmy, crawly, little things...now I am just scared they will jump down my shirt. 

We ended the day with dinner with her family and played Tennis in the rain. 

I have been itching to play for weeks! It was so much fun, and I am not too bad...with some practice, I may even consider myself ok. :) 

We will hopefully stop in Macon for a few minutes tomorrow to see my mommy and maybe grab my racket so I can play at school. We may not have time though. Who knows. 

Well, I am sure I will fall asleep to some Law and Order (as is custom with Tes and Janet time) and then a goodbye breakfast and hitting the road tomorrow. 

This beach trip has been the perfect FRAND reunion/break from the bubble.

I will admit, I am excited to get back to the OU, but not excited for graduation. :(  

soaking up the sun

My last post was forever and ever ago.

Honestly, I do not even remember what it was about.
my bad.

Anyway...since my last post:

I figured out not only my summer, but where to live, what to do, and what to do in the meantime. :)
It will be a lovely and productive summer.
I also finished my finals and junior year and now, I am at the beach.

Ahhh...the beach!
You know, I had only been to the beach a few times before college, and now I find myself here a few times a year.
The people in my live spoil me? oh yeah.

For real though, college has given me the best people and the most amazing opportunities.

I got in on Saturday night after a 9 hour bus ride to Orlando. Children should not be allowed on buses.
There was a girl screaming behind me for a good 30 minutes. I guess I can't complain...it could have been the whole 9 hours.
AND, it was TOTALLY worth it.

So far Tes and I have:
been to the beach
gone to an adorable chocolate shop
seen an awesome movie
eaten at mulligans
watched Law and Order (a staple for FRAND time)
played on the playground in the park like we were 5
swam with a school of fish --- ok I want to take a moment to explain. Tes and I were in the water, and a little ways away we see fish jumping around and a big dark mass...as it gets closer, we realize it is a school of fish! Coming right at us! Naturally, we got in the middle of them...I freaked out thinking they would bite me...but did not move, because how many people get to swim with a school of fish in the ocean?


Ah, I love vacation.
I did not go on vacation much as a kid, but I am beginning to understand why people do it, it really is relaxing. :)

So until graduation, happy week! :)