...having a slice of pie

Blogging was a brilliant idea.
I want to know about people's lives.
I could read them all day.

It is as fascinating to me as looking through people's Christmas ornaments.

I am contemplating not going home for Christmas this year. It is the only day of the year my family knows I will be home.
I just don't know if I can. I mean I really don't know if I can't either. That is the problem.

I remember one year Charlotte spent Christmas night with us. I don't remember why, but it has been hands down my favorite Christmas to date. The routine was morning with family, afternoon hopping between houses exchanging buckets of popcorn and coco and playing with everyone's shiny new things.

I want those Christmases. When the stocking were so full they had to be put on the floor with half of what belonged in there in a Kroger sack beside them.

Not going home would break my mom's heart. Plus Lizzie warned me, this is probably it for Mamaw. Last Christmas, if she makes it to then. We have said that for the last few years...but she fell so fast this year. She can't walk anymore and can't see, and can't remember anyone. Would she even know if I was there?

I am so torn. I want to go home. I want to go to the home I went to about 10 years ago. I guess I could go to my cousins. Honestly, I may do that. That will be hard though. So close to home, but not there. Justin invited me over. He has begged me for the past few years. He is less excited about it this year, and even though I love his family, it is a awkward thing to be at someone else's house for Christmas. It is like seeing someone naked, personal, and something not a lot of people get to see.
He says it is magical though. It takes hours. I would love to see it.

This was not supposed to be a sad post. It is not. I am just confused.

Hopefully I am spending Thanksgiving with Hillary. While staying here and living out my Thanksgiving dreams with a tiny little hen sounds amazing...it is not when you are here by yourself eating your stupid hen. Plus who fucking knows how to cook a hen?

I don't want to hate the Holidays. I don't, but until I have my own place and can bring my family up there to celebrate, it is not easy.

I am not sure if this is a personal post. Kind of ambiguous. For the record, I love my family and I am ok.

Happy Holidays.
Really. :) Happy Holidays.

Now I really want some pumpkin pie.