Sunday, March 4, 2012

...on the other side of this week.

This week I have 3 exams and I do not feel prepared for any of them. In fact, I do not feel prepared for much right now.

You know when you have those moments when you suddenly feel very anxious, and you stutter, and retreat into your body like a turtle into a shell. Except you don't have a shell so you just look kind of awkward, backing away from everything with your hands curled up by your stomach.

Reality is I have 3 exams this week, and I just want to blog. I want it to be Spring Break or last week when I had more time. Reality is I need to be studying right now.

I hate letting people see me feel vulnerable. Last time I did that, my semester became one big anxiety attack and my emotions went a little haywire. Justin was a good sport though. For the most part he let me be nuts and taught me the wonders of taking three deep breaths.

They really help you know. Keep you from getting short shallow breaths. I am a pro at short shallow breaths, and shivering...but not like goosebumps, external shivering, like shivering from the inside out. Quivering, I think it might be...who knows. All I know, is I will not have that anxiety come back. No ma'am.

Exam.
Ok. Goals. I will set goals for myself. I get to continue this blog after I finish answering 5 questions. Go time.

[intermission]

So I got way more than 5 questions done, am almost done with these questions and feel super calm. :)

go me.

It always passes, anxiety. Before every exam, paper, whatever. I get a few minutes of being anxious, enough to kick me in the ass and buckle down. Last semester I let the anxiety become debilitating. It was not pleasant. This semester, I am realizing that letting it be a kick in the pants and not overwhelm me works wonders. And hey, hopefully my grades reflect the progress.

wish me luck.

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